     Tanner Jason Tobac Became an angel on September 30, 1999     What blinds my eyes these tears that fall for all that should have been a boy whose haircolor I know not a boy at age of eighteen whose name belongs under my tree with packages wrapped in colors so bright but alas this was not meant to be for my darling my angel my Tanner, sweet son life ended for you before it had even begun and I sit here pondering what would have been if a boy a boy of eighteen had been allowed to live there would be 5 stockings hung up with care and 3 bicycles waiting under the tree instead of just two it was not meant to be but for some odd reason I sit questioning why I look to the sky and I ask you God... WHY?? WHY... why was my Tanner permitted to die? While others here go on in their mean wicked ways and I try to follow you every day I sit here and pray please take this away the pain that is aching and ripping my heart into tiny pieces, feel them crumbling? Can you catch them for me... lovingly.. sweet Jesus, please catch each tear as it falls and use them to mend this broken heart so helpless here wishing and longing for a boy a boy of eighteen with a tag under the tree For Tanner from Mama not a cross on a grave, laid lovingly. Merry Christmas in heaven... my Tanner, my son a boy boy of eighteen a boy home in heaven for Christmas evermore. Written Dec. 14, 2003 by Tanner's Mama, revised 2017    Frost gathers on my window pane And homes aglow festive and bright It's time to reminisce again. Things changed one sad for each one of us here For from this earthly place did depart Someone we loved and held so dear Leaving us now with a tattered heart. Come broken hearts, now gather here. Share your burden with these friends Holding hands with someone near the lonely feeling soon descends. Each soul here shares the pain like you We thought our heart would never mend But healing comes to those who share thy burden with a compassionate friend. Time now has come to light a candle Warmness and peace glow in that flame Here safe in comfort speak out loud Your blessed loved one's name. Tenderly remember each child with love Our souls now unite one with the other Our children look down from heaven above Every son & daughter, each sister & brother. We send to them our tattered hearts with each and every candle's glow May they see them now in heaven And feel our love from here below. I pray for each tattered heart here before me May God hold you gently in His care May healing and comfort now come to you Thy tattered hearts may He gently repair. Amen.  Mommy     it's actually been 18 years or so I never looked in never wanted to see all of the precious things taken from me The sweet little shoes never worn on his feet The fuzzy brown bear that played Mommy's heartbeat The bottles never filled with milk The blue hooded bath towel tiny washcloths, sleepers, socks All lay unseen till now. The diapers and his Mickey mobile the teeny tiny shirts all reminders of my baby boy and just how much this hurts. I haven't shed these tears for quite a long time now but peeking in that baby box has made me wonder how how I never got to hold him or dress him in those clothes just how very much I miss him no one else will ever know. Yes they packed away the boxes trying to spare me from the pain and even tho a few years have passed it all comes back again You can't pack away those feelings tuck them underneath a lid One day they bubble to the surface A broken heart cannot be hid. Oh Tanner, my sweet baby boy I want you were here with me I am blessed to have 2 sons, I know But how I wish I still had three. I guess it never goes away the longing for all that should be I send you my love up in heaven above Always & forever, I am Tanner's Mommy.    Today you will light a little white candle and say aloud your child's name. For one fateful day, your life was changed. The holidays will never be the same. Today you will light a little white candle and hang an ornament on a special tree. Who would have thought you would be in this place? Sharing your child as a memory. Today you will light a little white candle, a small gesture to some others. Here we share the pain of our loss, with Mothers, Fathers, Sisters & Brothers. Today you will light a little white candle, and as you gaze into the flame, may comforting memories flood your mind, as you proudly say your child's name. Today you will light a little white candle, With us your compassionate friends... For all of us know that though they're not here, our Love for Them NEVER ends. Written by Tammy Tobac for TCF service 1996 in memory of my brother Tommy Dolby and now also for my Angel Baby Tanner    For no one wants to know the answer to that one, For the gift, I want I know no one can afford, Oh, you'll have to travel far, all the way to heavens door. As you open the gates of gold, you'll find my babies there, They'll have a little teardrop given with such care. Oh want you wrap them up and tie them with a bow, Then send them back to mommy way down here below. Oh don't you worry how much they have grown, For my love for them in written in stone. That love is one that will not die through out time, Because they are sweet little angels of mine. Many things will be given to loved ones that are still here, And lots of them will be given with great love and care, But, oh my friend, the only gift worth given this year, Is one that brings such joy that it even brings a tear. Written for all mommies missing their baby.     The thought of the holidays is breaking my heart. There is no cheer to spread this year, I just want to run away and forget I'm here. I feel guilty and sad and full of despair. I'm letting down everyone and it's just not fair. Do you know the kind of pain that I feel? I can't do it this year; I just can't deal. So let me do this in my own way, And then I'm sure that you will see That because love is there inside of me, I must endure what is meant to be. I pray every day, "God, show me the way. When I feel alone at night, There's no one here to hold me tight. I need Your help to find the path that is right." It's been a few years, and I still cry. Sometimes I don't even know why. The tears, the sorrow, the pain I feel My aching heart that will not heal. I wonder if only there could be One more time for you and me. A time when God could share a place For us to meet, face to face. One last time to say farewell, And know that you are safe and well. The comfort I would then feel Would ease my pain and help me heal. Written by Joanne Burkey November/December 1999 Bereavement Magazine      Is a spectacular sight to see, As the Angels go around the world, Gathering things to put on the tree. They gather up some moonbeams, They gather up some stars, they even go a little farther, To gather things from Mars. And when the tree is ready, You'll hear the Angels sing, And somewhere in a distance, You'll hear the Christmas bells ring. Written by Judy Ryan     Sit with me awhile. How I long to hold your hand, And see your tender smile. Tiny Angel, look at me, I want this image clear... That I will forget your precious face Is my biggest fear. Tiny Angel can you tell me, Why you have gone away? You weren't here for very long... Why is it, you couldn't stay? Tiny Angel shook his head, "These things I do not know... But I do know that you love me, And that I love you so". ~ Author Unknown      To shatter all the darkness and bless the times we knew. Like a beacon in the night The flame will burn bright and guide us on our way. Oh, today I light a candle for you. The seasons come and go, and I'm weary from the change. I keep on moving on, you know it's not the same. And when I'm walking all alone Do you hear me call your name? Do you hear me sing the songs we used to sing? And I will light a candle for you. To shatter all the darkness and bless the times we knew. Like a beacon in the night The flame will burn bright and guide us on our way. Oh, today I light a candle for you. You filled my life with wonder, touched me with surprise, Always saw that something special deep within your eyes. And through the good times and the bad, We carried on with pride. I hold onto the love and life we knew. And I will light a candle for you. To shatter all the darkness and bless the times we knew. Like a beacon in the night The flame will burn bright and guide us on our way. Oh, today I light a candle for you.                         To read more about Angel Tanner, go to his Mom's page below...        A friend can hear a tear drop.  Thank you to the following wonderful ladies for the gifts on Tanner's Christmas Page ~
        |