Tanner Jason Tobac
Became an angel on September 30, 1999
What blinds my eyes
these tears that fall
for all that should have been
a boy
whose haircolor I know not
a boy at age of ten
whose name belongs under my tree
with packages wrapped
in colors so bright
but alas
this was not meant to be
for my darling my angel
my Tanner, sweet son
life ended for you
before it had even begun
and I sit here pondering
what would have been
if a boy
a boy of ten
had been allowed to live
there would be 5 stockings
hung up with care
and 3 bicycles waiting under the tree
instead of just two
it was not meant to be
but for some odd reason
I sit questioning why
I look to the sky
and I ask you God... WHY??
WHY... why was my Tanner permitted to die?
While others here
go on in their mean wicked ways
and I try to follow you every day
I sit here and pray
please take this away
the pain that is aching
and ripping my heart into tiny pieces,
feel them crumbling?
Can you catch them for me... lovingly..
sweet Jesus, please catch each tear as it falls
and use them to mend this broken heart
so helpless here wishing and longing
for a boy
a boy of eight
with a tag under the tree
For Tanner from Mama
not a cross on a grave,
laid lovingly.
Merry Christmas in heaven...
my Tanner, my son
a boy
boy of ten
a boy
home in heaven for Christmas evermore.
Written Dec. 14, 2003 by Tanner's Mama, revised 2010
Frost gathers on my window pane
And homes aglow festive and bright
It's time to reminisce again.
Things changed one sad for each one of us here
For from this earthly place did depart
Someone we loved and held so dear
Leaving us now with a tattered heart.
Come broken hearts, now gather here.
Share your burden with these friends
Holding hands with someone near
the lonely feeling soon descends.
Each soul here shares the pain like you
We thought our heart would never mend
But healing comes to those who share
thy burden with a compassionate friend.
Time now has come to light a candle
Warmness and peace glow in that flame
Here safe in comfort speak out loud
Your blessed loved one's name.
Tenderly remember each child with love
Our souls now unite one with the other
Our children look down from heaven above
Every son & daughter, each sister & brother.
We send to them our tattered hearts
with each and every candle's glow
May they see them now in heaven
And feel our love from here below.
I pray for each tattered heart here before me
May God hold you gently in His care
May healing and comfort now come to you
Thy tattered hearts may He gently repair.
Amen.
Mommy
it's actually been 10 years or so
I never looked in
never wanted to see
all of the precious things taken from me
The sweet little shoes
never worn on his feet
The fuzzy brown bear
that played Mommy's heartbeat
The bottles never filled with milk
The blue hooded bath towel
tiny washcloths, sleepers, socks
All lay unseen till now.
The diapers and his Mickey mobile
the teeny tiny shirts
all reminders of my baby boy
and just how much this hurts.
I haven't shed these tears
for quite a long time now
but peeking in that baby box
has made me wonder how
how I never got to hold him
or dress him in those clothes
just how very much I miss him
no one else will ever know.
Yes they packed away the boxes
trying to spare me from the pain
and even tho 3 years have passed
it all comes back again
You can't pack away those feelings
tuck them underneath a lid
One day they bubble to the surface
A broken heart cannot be hid.
Oh Tanner, my sweet baby boy
I want you were here with me
I am blessed to have 2 sons, I know
But how I wish I still had three.
I guess it never goes away
the longing for all that should be
I send you my love up in heaven above
Always & forever, I am Tanner's Mommy.
Today you will light a little white candle
and say aloud your child's name.
For one fateful day, your life was changed.
The holidays will never be the same.
Today you will light a little white candle
and hang an ornament on a special tree.
Who would have thought you would be in this place?
Sharing your child as a memory.
Today you will light a little white candle,
a small gesture to some others.
Here we share the pain of our loss,
with Mothers, Fathers, Sisters & Brothers.
Today you will light a little white candle,
and as you gaze into the flame,
may comforting memories flood your mind,
as you proudly say your child's name.
Today you will light a little white candle,
With us your compassionate friends...
For all of us know that though they're not here,
our Love for Them NEVER ends.
Written by Tammy Tobac for TCF service 1996
in memory of my brother Tommy Dolby
and now also for my Angel Baby Tanner
For no one wants to know the answer to that one,
For the gift, I want I know no one can afford,
Oh, you'll have to travel far, all the way to heavens door.
As you open the gates of gold, you'll find my babies there,
They'll have a little teardrop given with such care.
Oh want you wrap them up and tie them with a bow,
Then send them back to mommy way down here below.
Oh don't you worry how much they have grown,
For my love for them in written in stone.
That love is one that will not die through out time,
Because they are sweet little angels of mine.
Many things will be given to loved ones that are still here,
And lots of them will be given with great love and care,
But, oh my friend, the only gift worth given this year,
Is one that brings such joy that it even brings a tear.
Written for all mommies missing their baby.
The thought of the holidays is breaking my heart.
There is no cheer to spread this year,
I just want to run away and forget I'm here.
I feel guilty and sad and full of despair.
I'm letting down everyone and it's just not fair.
Do you know the kind of pain that I feel?
I can't do it this year; I just can't deal.
So let me do this in my own way,
And then I'm sure that you will see
That because love is there inside of me,
I must endure what is meant to be.
I pray every day, "God, show me the way.
When I feel alone at night,
There's no one here to hold me tight.
I need Your help to find the path that is right."
It's been over a year, and I still cry.
Sometimes I don't even know why.
The tears, the sorrow, the pain I feel
My aching heart that will not heal.
I wonder if only there could be
One more time for you and me.
A time when God could share a place
For us to meet, face to face.
One last time to say farewell,
And know that you are safe and well.
The comfort I would then feel
Would ease my pain and help me heal.
Written by Joanne Burkey
November/December 1999 Bereavement Magazine
Is a spectacular sight to see,
As the Angels go around the world,
Gathering things to put on the tree.
They gather up some moonbeams,
They gather up some stars,
they even go a little farther,
To gather things from Mars.
And when the tree is ready,
You'll hear the Angels sing,
And somewhere in a distance,
You'll hear the Christmas bells ring.
Written by Judy Ryan
Sit with me awhile.
How I long to hold your hand,
And see your tender smile.
Tiny Angel, look at me,
I want this image clear...
That I will forget your precious face
Is my biggest fear.
Tiny Angel can you tell me,
Why you have gone away?
You weren't here for very long...
Why is it, you couldn't stay?
Tiny Angel shook his head,
"These things I do not know...
But I do know that you love me,
And that I love you so".
~ Author Unknown
To shatter all the darkness and bless the times we knew.
Like a beacon in the night
The flame will burn bright and guide us on our way.
Oh, today I light a candle for you.
The seasons come and go, and I'm weary from the change.
I keep on moving on, you know it's not the same.
And when I'm walking all alone
Do you hear me call your name?
Do you hear me sing the songs we used to sing?
And I will light a candle for you.
To shatter all the darkness and bless the times we knew.
Like a beacon in the night
The flame will burn bright and guide us on our way.
Oh, today I light a candle for you.
You filled my life with wonder, touched me with surprise,
Always saw that something special deep within your eyes.
And through the good times and the bad,
We carried on with pride.
I hold onto the love and life we knew.
And I will light a candle for you.
To shatter all the darkness and bless the times we knew.
Like a beacon in the night
The flame will burn bright and guide us on our way.
Oh, today I light a candle for you.
To read more about Angel Tanner and sign his guest book, go to his Mom's page below...
A friend can hear a tear drop. 
Thank you to the following wonderful ladies for the gifts on Tanner's Christmas Page ~
