~ IN LOVING MEMORY OF
MICHAEL DAVID SULLIVAN ~
February 14, 1967 - April 22, 1996
Please also visit Michael ~ I Remember You
Please remember to visit Happy Birthday Michael ~ On Valentine's Day
Please also visitIn Loving Memory of Michael David Sullivan
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And also please visit From Mom to Michael
And please visit this wonderful quilt page for Michael at
Michael's Quilt Page
In order to write this, I must go back to Febuary 13,1967. Due to some mistakes
I made in my life, it was just you and I, as I started my journey into becoming
a "mom" for the 1st time. As you know, marrying your biological father was
a mistake, so he was not here. You sent me into labor on this date, and off
in a cab we went at 9:15 at night, we were off on the 1st journey of many
that just you and I would make. I hugged my belly, already determined to
protect you forever, I was scared and excited. I wondered what you would
be, what you would look like, of course knowing as all us moms do... you
were going to be the best baby ever born!!! I prayed you'd be healthy, and
I vowed no one or nothing would ever harm you as long as I lived. You were
stubborn from the start... 19 hours later, on Febuary 14,1967, on the day
set aside for love, I was given my 1st born, a son. You were perfect in every
way, healthy, strong and beautiful! You weighed 11 lbs. 14 oz., 24 inches
long, no hair, big expressive eyes, and I fell madly in love with you. You
were meant to be my own special valentine for the rest of MY life. We went
home from the hospital together just you and I......... just you and I. You
became my life, my heartbeat, my world. We learned lots of things together,
diapers, rashes, sleepless nights, rocking in our chair together. How I loved
you! And as you grew, so did the trust in your eyes, that trust was for me,
you knew, you just knew... I was there for you! We were a team, you and I,
with everything wrong in my life, having you made it right. But I needed
for you to have the perfect life, a family, a mom and a dad. Many nights
as you slept by my side (yes, in my bed), I'd be awake for hours watching
you sleep, trying to figure this out. How could I make your life right? My
end decision was ultimately the wrong one; your father was on his way home...
We were going to be a family! This didn't work so again it was me and you
against the world!! We were partners, you and I. Soon we found out you were
going to have a new brother or sister. Once more you and I started to learn
more lessons in life, but for every heartache I had, I'd hear your laugh,
or you'd reach out your chubby little arms and give me a hug, and my strength
was renewed... we were going to be o.k. Your brother was born 3 weeks before
you turned 2; more adjustments you and I made, together you and I... now
we were 3. But our bond had been formed never to be broken, you understood,
your eyes would look into mine, and we knew we were all going to be o.k.
You kept my heart alive, and you already had that sense of understanding
and tenderness in your heart. Then like it was meant to be, you and I together
met Big Tom, we married, you had another brother, then a sister. We were
a family. You loved being the big brother; you loved being their protector;
it just seemed to come to you naturally. You just seemed to know how to be
there for them and me. You always gave me a second hug good-bye, a second
hug good-night. Again you and I learned the 1st of many things... going off
to kindergarten, the 1st broken arm, the first high fever... I not knowing
quite what to do, but you'd just look into my eyes, and I could see you trusted
me. Then the car accident came, and Big Tommy was gone, went to heaven...
you were 6, but you just seemed to know, to understand... he was gone, but
he was o.k.. so now we were 5, and because you were the oldest again we learned
things in life together. We all of us made it. I went back to work. You were
brave; you understood. You were just there to give me extra hugs and kisses.
You gave me strength to go on, maybe you knew that, maybe not... but you'd
look into my eyes, and I knew you trusted me! Then you met who would end
up to be my husband, my friend, our 'rock of gibralter', and soon the "DAD"...
and you just knew. We were truly a family; happiness and love flowed. Laughter
was loud and often. Through it all, you just knew and trusted and loved me.
Again you and I started to learn about the 1st of things... the 1st to take
off his training wheels, the 1st to play football, the 1st to stop calling
me mommy and went to mom... you were always there, always loving us, and
always trusting me. You became your brothers' and sister's hero. I don't
know exactly when, but you did, and it was meant to be. Then you decided
to adopt "DAD". You got your brothers and sister to back you up. Dad still
has his certificate... he not only became dad, but you became his son and
best friend. Some more 1st things for us, you and I... you were the 1st to
go to high school... things were changing, you were growing up, becoming
a young man. But still you'd look into my eyes during our many talks, and
you'd listen, and you'd trust me. Although we had become a family of 6, there
was a special bond between us, the bond that had been made way back, when
it was just you and I............. Then all too soon after some more 1st
things for you and I... your 1st broken heart, your first weird haircut,
your first broken dream... now you were a young man. I'd look at you... so
handsome, your wonderful smile, the sound of your laughter, all these things
made my heart swell with love and pride. You were graduating from high-school,
and you made your plans to join the Navy. The day you came to me is clear
in my mind. We talked, my heart sank, inside of me I wanted you to be little
again, I wanted you on my lap so I could rock you in my rocking chair where
you and I had shared so many hours of your life. But you looked into my eyes,
and I saw something different, something new. Yes, there was trust for me,
but you also wanted me to trust you, and I did! That was the day just you
and I went through another 1st... you talked to me, you were grown-up, and
we needed to to be cutting the cord!!! My heart broke... indeed you were
an eagle ready to spread your wings. Our talk was over; you were ready, I
was not... and so you got up from the kitchen table, you smiled at me and
said, "Thanks, mom, for making this easier for me." And remember what you
said next, it was, "We don't have to cut the cord too short." Another 1st...
you left home, you were off to the Navy, my heart broke..........you went
to war, my heart broke............. Then my surgery... you were in the gulf,
I was in recovery. A smiling nurse came to me and said, "Are you awake enough
for a phone call?" I nodded yes. I put the phone to my ear, I hear, "Hi mom,
it's me, you're going to be o.k.... I love you, I'll be home soon........"
The connection was lost..... you were gone.... my heart swelled with love.
I couldn't look into your eyes, but I trusted you. Time passed, and you did
come home, safe and sound!!!! Then another 1st for you and I... off to college
to fulfill your dream of becoming a teacher and a coach. You wanted to work
with children; you wanted to be there for them. As it turned out, you ended
up being coach, before becoming a teacher. You loved it; you loved the kids.
Your wings were soaring even having been repaired a few times in life's ups
and downs. Then you became engaged, and you were to be married. You weren't
my 1st in this new venture of life, your brother Kenny was that...... all
new emotions for a mom. You were in love; you were on top of the world. We
were all happy, your new wife to be seemed to be glad she was becoming the
newest member of our family. Before I knew it, I was walking into the church
for your wedding. There was Gokey (your best friend, your best man) telling
me to go into a room where you were. There you sat in your tux, so handsome,
but such a serious look on your face, a very intense look in your eyes. We
talked (I now know that was our last real talk that was truly just you and
I)... you were still going to become a teacher, just was going to take longer
as now you were taking a wife. We talked of your children, my grandchildren,
that you wanted me to rock in the rocking chair. We looked into each others
eyes, and it was there we trusted each other, and were truly mother and son.
It was time to go inside. The service and reception was beautiful. Lots of
mom tears, but beautiful. It was time for our dance... the d.j. was reading
a letter to mom from her 1st born son... you thanked me for your life, for
all my sacrifices... then there it was, the song, "You Are The Wind Beneath
My Wings." We danced, we talked. And we cried. Later, I remember thinking
how foolish you were; you are my son, no thanks necessary... and I was certianly
never cold there in your shadow. What a joy to watch you grow and soar. By
the time your 1st anniversary came, there was no celebration... we were just
learning you were ill, but with no diagnoses yet. Your 2nd anniversary came,
but not for you here on earth. Each test brought back the worst possible
results. A brain tumor yes, malignant yes, inoperable yes, complications
yes. Life was all different for me now. I smiled, I did the everyday things,
I visited you in the hospital, I went grocery shopping for you and your wife.
But the whole time, I was scared and bewildered in this new place I was living
in. That was o.k. though, because you see, in my mind and heart soon, very
soon, the treatments would work, and you would be well again, and all this
would be behind us all................ Sunday night around 10:30 on April
21, 1996... is that the phone ringing.......... "Hi Kenny," (it's your brother),
I ask is everything o.k., kinda late for a phone call. I'm told, no mom,
it couldn't be worse, you must come to the hospital, Michael is not going
to live through the night. That now so familiar dark tunnel arrives into
my life... I can't move, every fiber in my body begins to tremble, my mind
has no control... but from a distance I hear my own voice saying, "We'll
be there right away." I hang up the phone. I don't know what to do, I can't
move. Who is that woman screaming and crying? Where is it coming from? I
need to wake up dad... he's here telling me to calm down and tell him what's
wrong, that woman screaming is me!!!!!! Why do I scream?? I must get someone
to come and stay with the babies. I can't move........ what is this darkness
coming over me? I'm here, Michael, i'm here at the hospital. Your wife has
told us to wait in the waiting room... please dear lord, does he know i'm
here? We're told now we can go to you. There you are, you're smiling and
talking with us. What a relief, you've had these set backs before, we'll
be o.k... all these voices keep telling me you're dying... no, go away! The
priest has come in, you're getting your last rights, you pray, and you're
smiling. Inside I'm screaming "Look at me, why won't you look me in the eyes?
Why won't you let our eyes connect??" I'm being moved around again. Why are
your wife and mother-in-law moving me all the time? We're in a hallway...
so many friends, and family members are here, they're crying. Stop it, all
of you, this is all going away! We're being told to line up 2 by 2 to go
in and say good-bye, then we all must leave we're being told. Why am I in
line? Am I crazy? I'm not going to say good-bye!!!! I'm there with you, you
grab my hand tight, real tight, we don't say good-bye... please look me in
my eyes! I'm being told to get up and go... please look at me!!!!! I'm moving
but wait, listen, hear the birds, see the sun, it's going to be a beautiful
day, see............. you lived through the night!!! I'm right outside your
door, please god let him know I'm here. He won't look at me... please look
at me. You're sleeping...... peacefully........ you're breathing... I see
your chest moving up and down. Time passes, how much I don't know. Look you're
waking up, your eyes are opening, you're looking around, you see me... you
look at me, our eyes connect, and we know; I know it'll be good-bye for
now..........we look into each other's eyes, and we trust, and we love. My
heart breaks, and I give you a piece to take with you. Sleep my son, my brave
couragous young man, fight no more, sleep so you don't feel the pain. I LOVE
YOU. You sleep, I watch... your breathing becomes a struggle, I LOVE YOU.
Please god, let me trade places, let me be in that damn hospital bed!!!!!
It's 4:07 on April 22, 1996... hands pulling at me, voices telling me you're
gone... no, no wait your miracle is coming... I'm scared, what am I supposed
to do?? WHY? So know I must go through the same hospital door you and I went
through together just a little over 29 years ago... just you and I. Now I
leave broken and shattered. Why didn't I tell you how wrong you were on your
wedding day; did you ever know you were the wind beneath my wings?? Now I
have lived with this dark tunnel for 4 years. I think of you everyday, over
and over, I remember you. I miss you every single day. I hope you're surrounded
by children with a huge coaching place. I hope you're out of pain and whole
again. I see you running again, with wings on your feet. I know someday we
will be reunited... once again we'll look into each others' eyes, and we'll
know our love and trust are together again. LOVE, "YOUR MOM"
I Will Be Your Lighthouse
I will be your lighthouse
I will always light your way,
When the sea is churning crazily,
Just cast your cares my way.
I will be your beacon,
Standing straight and tall,
Worry not how rough the seas
I will calm them all.
Sometimes keeping your sail afloat,
Is too much for you to bear,
I'll try to keep your trials on course,
I will always be right there.
Even though the sea is rough,
And you fear your life is through,
I'll shine my light on your troubled ship,
And bring you safely through.
So as the churning of the seas,
Grow larger than before,
Depend on me, your lighthouse,
I'll show you to the shore.
The seas no longer will cause you pain,
On shore I'll light your path,
The ebbing of the still waters forever,
Will bring you peace at last.
I will be your lighthouse,
I'll guide you from above,
I'll light your night, and keep you safe,
In the harbour of my love.
Author ~ Sandra Hemstock
Dear Kathie, thank you so much for this wonderful award. It fits in so perfectly with what I just wrote up above.
Love always, Linda, Michael's mom
I would like to dedicate these pages to my 1st born son, Michael David
Febuary 14, 1967 - April 22, 1996
To my three surviving children:
Please know you are all a very special part of my life,
I love you all, and each and everyone of you
have a piece of my heart too.
My love for you is just as special, and just as much
a gift as Michael's. If I talk of him more,
or cry for him more, it is because he has died,
and I miss him, I grieve for him. I love you all
in a very special way!! Love, mom
Continue to Michael's Photo Gallery, Page 1
Continue to Awards for Michael
And please also go see Michael's Memorial Plaque on this page:
Remember Me Online
MICHAEL DAVID SULLIVAN has been reviewed
and chosen to bear the Golden Web Award."
International Assoc. of Web Masters and Designers
Thank you for the wonderful honor of receiving this award!!!!!
My Mom Is A Survivor "Rose of Remembrance Award"
"Dear Maria: This award is for ALL your lovely pages for Christopher and others.Love: Marlene
A friend can hear a tear drop.
"I must add here a very special thank-you to Maria, without her this page would not exist.
Thank-you for your encouragement, your moral support, and all your tremendous work
to these pages for Michael. Thank-you for being there through my tears and pain
in getting these pages done. Thank-you for being my friend. Gratefully,
Linda, Mom to Michael"
Maria's Tribute to Christopher
This webpage is created In Loving Memory of Michael David Sullivanon August 8, 2000
Last updated: January 28, 2016
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