In Loving Memory of
Nathan Shane Moak
July 30, 1994 - August 14, 2010
It was unimaginable what I went through after I found Nathan in our front yard. He was in his cousin James' car with a plastic grocery bag over his head
and a computer cord around his neck. It did major damage to me as well as James, and neither of us has been the same in the almost seven years since he died.
Nathan and James, best buddies.
I wish I could save every man, woman and child from the nightmare of suicide, whether it be themselves going through the thoughts of it, or the agony of losing someone to it.
It hurts you in a way no one can ever imagine. You live that day, that sight, day and night. It is worse in my sleep. I love that main picture of Nathan.
He was only 14 in that picture, but that's okay.
Here Nathan was playing an old man using a walking stick. He had white hair, and that was his real color of hair then.
Nathan was a computer fanatic. He could take a computer apart and put it back together, and it would be running. He could speak Spanish, French, English and Japanese, that he taught himself to do. He loved anything to do with Japanese. He did origami swans and stars, and he loved Japanese music, movies, anime, but they were not something a child should watch as cartoons. His favorite book was Dante's Inferno. He loved swimming, canoeing and being with his closest friends, playing video games and helping anyone who needed help. He would give you everything he had to have a friend. He also has Japanese swords.
These four special gifts for Angel Nathan are from my friend Marie.
You can visit her website for her son Rob here ~ Rob Northrop's Site.
Until We Meet Again
Each morning when we awake
We know that you are gone.
And no one knows the heartache
As we try to carry on.
Our hearts still ache with sadness
And many tears still flow.
What it meant to lose you,
No one will ever know.
Our thoughts are always with you,
Your place no one can fill.
In life we loved you dearly,
In death we love you still.
There will always be a heartache,
And often a silent tear,
But always a precious memory
Of the days when you were here.
If tears could make a staircase,
And heartaches make a lane,
We'd walk the path to heaven
And bring you home again.
We hold you close within our hearts,
And there you will remain,
To walk with us throughout our lives
Until we meet again.
Our family chain is broken now,
And nothing will be the same,
But as God calls us one by one,
The chain will link again.
Two songs for Nathan I can think of right away are Lilium (music box) from Elfen Lied and Leave Out All The Rest by Linkin Park, played at his funeral
along with Go Rest High by Vince Gill. Other things he liked were Chess and Monopoly.
All three of the songs that I wrote about are very pretty songs, and all three are about death. Lilium is a funeral song, Go Rest High is a song dedicated to Vince Gill's brother who died, and Leave Out All The Rest is about asking someone not to recant you after you die or hold grudges for things you've done
and not be forgiven after you die. That is how Nathan felt, like every one hated him all the time.
Some of Nathan's favorite foods were pizza, hamburgers, cheeseburger hamburger helper and macaroni and cheese.
His most favorite fruit was lemons, which he would eat two bags at a time.
Nathan was really into anything to do with the Japanese -- swords, cherry blossoms, origami or Japanese symbols.
Nathan loved animals, and on the day he was to be buried, when the hearse went by a house where there were horses in a field near the the cemetery, those horses stopped eating and stood at attention as the hearse passed by, and then the funeral party, and they never moved, just stood at attention as if in honor of him.
I have chills just thinking about that weird sight and have never seen that again.
One Little Candle
I lit a candle tonight, in honor of you
Remembering your life,
and all the times weíd been through.
Such a small little light
the candle made until I realized
how much in darkness it lit the way.
All the tears Iíve cried in all my grief
and pain what a garden they grew;
watered with human rain.
I sometimes canít see beyond the moment,
in hopeless despair.
But then your memory sustains me,
in heartaches repair.
I canít wait for the tomorrow,
when my sorrows ease.
Until then, Iíll light this candle,
and let my memories run free.
~ Written by Sheila
One day while my mom was in the hospital after she had a brain bleed, I saw a moth on the inside of the screen door so I let it out. When I did, it flew towards the old house where Nathan died, and I told it to go tell Nathan I loved him. Well, I turned to go down the hall, and at Nathans' door on the floor in the sunshine was a heart shape perfectly done, and I have never seen that heart shape there again since.
The mention of my child's name
may bring tears to my eyes,
But it never fails to bring music to my ears.
If you are really my friend,
let me hear the music of his name!
It soothes my broken heart and sings to my soul!
~ Author Unknown ~
Thank you so much to my dear friend, Linda, Mom to Angel Tina,
for all your help with getting the song for this page! It is Lilium from the show Elfen Lied.
Tina Marie's Memorial Website
A friend can hear a tear drop.
This webpage is created In Loving Memory of Nathan Shane Moakon May 31, 2014
Last updated: December 6, 2017
© 2014 - 2017
Visit Maria's pages for Christopher at
Maria's Tribute to Christopher
Nathan's special Elfen Lied background and Japanese/English buttons made by my daughter Rachel. Please do not take!
You can visit Rachel's website by clicking on the banner below ~