More Memories of Meshael

In Loving Memory of Meshael Louise Ali Richardson
20th June 1986 - 18th June 2001

This is Meshael with her precious dog Charlie.

We got Charlie when he was about 18 months old. He'd been treated quite badly by his owners and had run away. He was a beautiful dog but quite insane as far as dogs go!! Meshael wouldn't hear a word said against her boy and believe me, there were quite a few I COULD have used!!

Shortly after Meshael went to heaven, Charlie developed diabetes. I had to give him an insulin shot every morning after chasing around the garden trying to catch a urine sample!! I could just imagine Meshael laughing her head at me, I hated needles and could never bring myself to even finger-prick Meshael who had developed diabetes in the last year of her life. Sadly, Charlie became blind as result of the illness. Although I was heartbroken to lose him - I was also so glad that Meshael and Charlie were to be re-united in Heaven. I'm sure she would have been waiting at the gate.

Meshael was just weeks old when this photo was taken in Sharjah, UAE where she was born and where I lived for almost nine years. Her cousin Mariam is also in the picture.

Meshael was only 2.2kg (4.5lbs) when she was born but was quite the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life. The rush of love that came over me when she was born is undescribable. Although she was always a tiny tot she was such a good baby and had very few health problems. Perhaps God wanted her to have a few good years before the on-set of her illness.

This is a rare photo opportunity with my sister Jane who lives in Australia now, also in the picture are my Nannie and Grandad Richardson. Unfortunately both have passed on now but Meshael loved her Great-Nannie and Great-Grandad very much. After Grandad died, Meshael went to stay with Nannie for a week to "look after her" - on the first night she was there, Nannie slipped over and fractured her arm so Meshael had been quite prophetic! Nannie said that she was a little Angel running up and down the stairs for things and making her cups of tea. I know that Nannie was grateful for the company too.

Meshael and I always had a house full of animals. We had dogs and cats, birds and fish and anything else that seemed that it needed a good home and lots of love.

I found Bootsie, a beautiful tabby kitten of around 4 or 5 weeks, abandoned on some waste ground near home. I took her home for Meshael who nearly hugged me to death
when she saw her.

Bootsie was so much Meshael's cat. She barely gave me the time of day but spent each and every moment with her loving mistress.

We discovered that Bootsie was having kittens and Meshael was so delighted. She kept asking every day "when will they come Mummy???". I was at work when I got a phone call from her. "Mum!!!!" she screamed, "Bootsie has just had a kitten and now she's eating it..........!!!". Oh how I laughed, poor Meshael was screaming and laughing and crying all at once. Of course I went straight home to make sure everything was OK. I found Meshael and John sitting together on the sofa looking very white faced and quiet as Bootsie delivered another three kittens and cleaned them up before settling down to feed them.

The day Meshael died I took Bootsie to the hospital in her cat box. Meshael was semi-conscious but we took her hand and gently stroked Bootsie soft fur. I imagine I saw a little smile in the corner of Meshael's mouth. I knew that she would want to say goodbye to her baby.

I took Bootsie up to the cemetery this year for the first time. It was uncanny the way she stayed so quiet and still when I took her out of the box. Like she knew how important this place was.

Bootsie and I get on just fine now. I know she still misses Meshael, she sits outside her bedroom just looking at the door. Maybe she can still feel Meshael around her - I hope so.

Meshael and I lived alone together for most of her life. I worked a lot and used to feel so guilty when I couldn't go on school trips and sports days. Sadly, the amount of time I used up taking her for regular hospital checks and, later on, hospital admissions - meant that I didn't have enough annual leave. However, we would make up for and spend every minute we had together. She knew that no matter how much time we had to spend apart, I was always there for her when it most important. She never complained. Occasionally she would just wistfully look into my face and ask me why I had to work so hard.

Our favourite past time was walking the dogs and we would go out in all kinds of weather with Charlie, Meshael's King Charles and Dezi, my little Jack Russell. We would walk for miles, getting covered in mud, the dogs would push Meshael over into a muddy puddle and her face would screw up with disgust until I made her laugh again. We had our own special spot where would sit down and take a breather before going home. In the summer we took a small picnic with us and in the winter I taught her how to light a camp fire and we'd warm our hands and feet before setting off for home again.

After Meshael died, I really didn't have any idea what was going to happen to me. My whole life had been built around her, the most precious thing in the whole world had been ripped away from me - leaving just an ugly gaping wound where once my happy and contented heart had been. Sometimes the grief would rise over me, engulfing me and causing the deepest sobs I have ever cried, the pain was so intense it was almost unbearable. One day, after such an episode, I came upon a note written by Meshael. At first, it only made the pain more intense, because all I wanted in the whole world was for my baby to fling her arms around my waist and tell me "Mummy, don't cry". But after a few minutes I could feel my heart warming with a memory and I knew my Angel was somewhere close.

After that, there were many signs and many more notes. All of them appeared at a time when I most needed it. On my first birthday after Meshael's passing, my friend, Sam, got her daughter to ring me up and sing happy birthday down the phone. It was a lovely thought but left me a total sobbing quivering mess, trying to get ready for work. I looked at a photo of Meshael by my bed and spoke out loud to her, wishing that it could have been her singing happy birthday. I pulled myself together and went down to the car. Now, in my car is a little gold locket, I put a picture of Meshael and a lock of her hair and it hangs from the rear view mirror. I have never worn it and my same friend, Sam, bought it for me after Meshael died. Well that morning as I turned on the engine and looked into the rear view mirror I was bowled right off my seat because the locket was wide open and turned at just the right angle to be looking right back at me. The locket is never opened and it totally freaked me out. By the time I got to work I was in such a state but a friend sat down and said, so matter-of-factly, "why are you freaked? You asked for something, you asked her to wish you a Happy Birthday and she has". Again, as I realised what had happened, that same warm rush came flooding over me and I knew that he was right.

A year after, my sister got tickets to go to see a TV show. I had no idea who we were going to see and I invited another friend of mine to come along. It turned out that the guy was a medium, Colin Fry. I have always proclaimed to be a believer but of course have a bit of a skeptical approach people who claim to be able to perform these 'miracles'. We sat in the audience and I listened with interest as the host interviewed two guys sitting right in front of us. Later on during the show I kept feeling that he was trying to talk to me, he kept looking over and was throwing out all kinds of hints that could have applied to me but to many others too. I wasn't biting at first but then my sister and Alyson both started to nudge me. "It's you, it's you" Aly whispered madly in my ear. Sure enough, the message was from my darling girl. Without a shadow of doubt! The things he talked about, only a few people were privy to. He mentioned "An Angel in the Window" and this actually referred to a conversation Alyson and I had two days previous to being on the show. As I watched his face I could hear my daughters words come tumbling from his lips and the feeling of relief I felt was something which all but lifted me off the floor. Colin Fry told me that "she wants you to know that you did the right things, before and after her passing. She's fine now and sends her love".What a joyous moment that was for me. I think that the hardest thing about losing anyone is not knowing for certain what happens to them. I know for certain the Meshael is fine and happy and I know for certain that one day all of us will be together with our loved ones. Meshael's little signs still appear when I need them. Sometimes I can feel her real close and that little rush is just to remind me that she will always be with me.

Our New Angel Friend, Kayles,
Swimming With The Dolphins...

I have recently met a lovely lady named Karen, she and I have so much in common. Her daughter Kayles died a few weeks ago - she suffered from something papillomatosis and had been chronically ill from birth. The more we talk, the more we know that our two Angel's have met up there in heaven and have pushed the two of us together. Can you believe that she only lives about 8 miles from me - in all these years I have rarely met anyone remotely close to where I live. Last night when we chatting she was asking me about the dolphin theme and I told her how much Meshael had wanted to go swim with the dolphins - just a few months before she died Kayles had the wonderful experience that Meshael so would have loved. So (there is a point!!) could we please add these two photos of Kayles and possibly a link to her website - it would mean such a lot to Karen if you could.

In Memory of Kayles

The mention of my child's name
may bring tears to my eyes,
But it never fails to bring music to my ears.
If you are really my friend,
let me hear the music of her name!
It soothes my broken heart and sings to my soul!
~ Author Unknown