Caitlyn Renee White ~ Heaven's Treasure

In Loving Memory of
Caitlyn Renee White
March 14, 2001 ~ June 14, 2002

Dear Caitlyn,

It is now seven years since you have left my arms...Sigh.....
I sometimes wonder how I make it through each day.
People say I am strong and that they have such great admiration for how I am handling the loss of my sweet little girl. I am just so tired and I long for your touch! I search for you in everything I look at. I wonder what you would look like today, and what you would look like many years in the future... What would your voice sound like when you called me "ma ma"? The list of "what would be's" is endless. The thing that I miss the most is waking up in the morning and seeing your beautiful smile, oh how your eyes sparkle! I know that you are in heaven and you are doing miraculous things with all of your angel friends, but for just one moment I want to smell your hair and feel the touch of your breath on my neck.

I ask God to please give me the patience, comfort and undertanding that when my time comes we shall be together again...Forever... Now you are surrounded by endless love and light. Here on earth you will always be 14 months old, and always mommies little Choochie!

XXXXXOOOOO,
Mommy

This is a beautiful and loving gift for Angel Caitlyn from my dear friend, Carol, mom to Angel Michael.

Caity's Story

It was a Wednesday morning when my husband and I went to the hospital; we were getting ready to embark on a wonderful journey into extending our family. I was induced at 9:30 a.m. and praying for a hopeful short labor. This was my second birth and my nervous and excited husband's first. Labor started soon after induction and lo and behold, at 3:06 our sweet baby angel, Caitlyn Renee White was born. March 14, 2001, 7 pounds 4 ounces, 19 inches long, what a beautiful sight!

Caitlyn, just born, with her Daddy.

Caity was our new member of the family. A proud mom and dad and an elated 4-year-old sister named Tyler, what a journey we were to have as a family of 4. When we were all reunited at home, we celebrated with a huge St. Patty's day dinner. We had to indoctrinate our new Irish princess with a corned beef and cabbage dinner, or at least the smell!

As the days turned into weeks and weeks into months, we were having so much fun watching the little one grow and learn so many things. Oh... the mischief that Caity and Tyler were getting into, watching them create their own bond. Our circle is complete!

Holidays were upon us, and now we had two children to dress up and show off, it was so much fun.

First Halloween and first Christmas.

First Valentine's Day

Now the biggie day was coming up, the first birthday, and that is the best! How wrapping paper can make a wee one so happy, but best of all was when we gave Caitlyn her own piece of cake, total bliss. It is also for Caity to go for her one year well visit. Stellar report as usual, blasting off the growth chart and right on target with all of the things a child at her age should be doing. An A+ for Caity.

First birthday

Now, we are ready to prepare for another big occasion, a move to a new bigger house, how exciting! Caity and Tyler helped mommy pack, or should I say they un-packed everything I packed. We had until the end of June, that was our closing date, so time was of the essence.

It was a sunny day on Saturday June 8, 2001. I put Caity down for her late morning nap and I decided to go grab some sun out on the deck. I had my soda and the monitor by my lounge chair and I began to relax. I heard her cry not too long into her nap and was shocked that her nap was so short. I got her out of her crib and noticed how hot she was. 103 temp, WOW I thought, this was not your average teething fever. I called the pediatrician with my concern and was told to give her Tylenol and Motrin round the clock until it went down. O.K., no need to worry.

On Sunday it was the same and I had a feeling something wasn't right, so we took Caity to the ER. After an exam, she was sent home and I was told to continue the fever meds. I brought Caitlyn to the dr's on Monday; I couldn't keep the fever down. She was examined and I was told that she may have roseola. Fever for a week and expect a rash afterwards. I was dissatisfied with that diagnosis, so on Tuesday I returned to the dr's. Another physician examined her and told me that it doesn't look like roseola and recommended that I have blood work done that day.

On Wed, Caitlyn was admitted into the hospital due to dehydration and suspicious blood counts. On Thursday she was transferred to another hospital. There was an attending physician and an oncologist waiting for us when we arrived. We discussed the possibility of her having a rare form of leukemia. We were preparing ourselves for numerous tests that would be done and how to move on to the next treatment. As the night progressed Caity's breathing became shallow and her liver and spleen were swollen causing jaundice. Friends and family started showing up at the hospital for support; no one thought this was serious, but it was.

That night I had to go home to take care of Tyler and get things prepared for the long haul in front of us. Tyler was graduating pre-K on Friday morning and that was a big day for her.

It is now a rainy and gloomy Friday morning, and Tyler and I have had to put things in high gear, school, packing clothes, keys to be made for the house and off to the hospital. Graduation was wonderful but the anticipation was weighing heavy on my mind. The plan was to drop Tyler off at my sister's house, and my dad and I were going to the hospital to see Caitlyn. Off we went. It was the crucial day, they were doing the bone marrow aspirations, drawing fluid from her lungs and doing a CT scan. We ran into Doug in front of the hospital and he told me that the Dr feels she is going to be fine and not to worry. She was still under sedation and was almost done with the procedures, when a nurse called me. She needed a signature for the last procedure. I signed the release and went in to see Caity. It was the most horrific sight that I had ever seen. I tried to talk to her while she was under, and I cried so much that I had to leave and compose myself. We were told to grab some food and in about an hour she will be back on the PICU floor and we can visit her.

As we were eating we were startled by a nurse crying and telling us that there were complications and they are back on the floor working on her. The food fell out of my mouth and my husband and I ran so fast to the room. We were about to see the worst thing ever. Six assistants and the Dr trying to revive our baby. My husband was screaming and I fell to the floor. Security left my husband but took me, my father and my sister to a room on that floor. I remember taking a deep heavy breath and felt calm. I turned to my family and told them that she is gone. I just took her last breath with her.

I left the room and joined my husband in Caity's room where they were still trying to resusitate her. We talked to her and tried to get her to come back to us. I asked the nurse if she could hear us, she nodded "no." For a brief moment I looked up and saw friends and family watching thru the window. We told the Dr to stop trying, it was time to leave her tiny body alone. I remember holding her for hours until her weight became too heavy. I had to let her go and say good-bye. As I write this, tears flow from my eyes and my heart aches so bad. I reflect back to a saying that is in the movie "Steel Magnolias." Sally Field said... "I was there when this wonderful creature drifted into my life, and I was there when she drifted out." How profound.

I will never understand why this happened, but it did. Caitlyn Renee White's bone marrow aspirations were sent to Washington for a final diagnosis. Months later it came back as ~
Ebstein-Barr Virus
Leukemia
HLH-Hemophagocytic Syndrome (A rare and hard to detect blood disorder)

We love and miss you, Caitlyn (Choochie) White
XXXXOOOO
Mom, Dad and Tyler

I Hear Each Tear Fall On Her Face

My Mom doesn't know I'm watching her
But I'm watching her just the same.
And I hear each tear fall on her face
At the mention of my name.

She says it sounds like music to her ears
That can be heard over a crowd.
Oh, I hear each tear fall on her face
When my name is said aloud.

I watch her stumble through each day
As she wishes the day would end.
And I hear each tear fall on her face
As she talks of me to her friends.

But there are few who truly understand
Oh this I've heard her proclaim.
And I hear each tear fall on her face
Will my Mom ever be the same?

I know that her smiles light up a sky
But I don't see that smile today.
Oh but I hear each tear fall on her face
Her blue skies have turned to gray.

Oh I send to her my warmest hug
With the rays of the morning sun.
Then, I won't hear a tear fall on her face
For I shall erase them one by one.

Yes, my Mom doesn't know I'm watching her
But I'm watching her just the same.
And if I hear a tear fall on her face
I'll just softly whisper her name.
By Kaye Des'Ormeaux, Copyright 2001 (used by permission)

The images above and also the poems below and images are gifts to Angel Caitlyn from my dear friend Pammi.
She wrote this to Angel Caitlyn's family:
As I read your page for precious Caitlyn, My heart is deeply touched,
all i can do is sit here and cry for an angel gone too soon.
no words can bring you comfort,
no intentions of good will can ease your heart,
as you live your lives learning to live without your precious and dear Angel Caitlyn.

It was a bright and beautiful day in heaven,
the streets were strewn with beautiful flowers of every kind imaginable
Angels were talking in excited tones and laughter rang from all around!
Halos were polished to a gleam, Wings were wide and full,
Each angel carried a candle that was lit!
They lined up in rows two by two, it was going to be a wonderful celebration.
Every one was ready the parade was about to begin!
An Angel who was in line and ready to go, glanced over to the park,
And saw the tiniest angel sitting alone,
her halo was not polished and wings were not unfurled!
And her candle was by her side unlit.
Tears were coursing down her tiny face!
The Angel walked to this tiny little angel and spoke to her:
Why are you not joining in the parade,
the little one looked up at the other Angel, and spoke:
I would dearly love to join in the celebration,
but each time I get my halo just right and my wings spread out and my candle lit,
My mommy and daddy's tears put out the flame, because they miss me so very much.
The other angel understood the tiny one all to well,
he gathered the tiny one in his arms
and picked up her halo and candle put each of them in their proper place!
and he told the tiny angel it will be OK
For today is going to be a celebration of love and welcome,
and I want you to say a prayer for your mommy and daddy.
And because today is a special day I know they will hear your prayer
and find comfort in knowing that you are gone from their arms,
but never there hearts.
The tiny angel began to pray
Dear Mommy and Daddy, I am thinking of you today, and I miss you very much,
we are having a wonderful celebration today!
And I would like very much to join in.
But every time I light my candle your tears put out the flame
and I cannot join in with all the others today, knowing how sad you are without me,
but weep no more mommy and daddy I am no longer in pain,
and I am here with so many who will look after me
until you are here to do it
I miss you so very much!
And even though you cannot see me or touch me or feel me,
I am with you forever in your hearts!
so weep no more and know we will be together again
and what a celebration that will be

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free.
I'm following the path God laid for me.
I took God's hand when I heard the call;
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day to laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way.
I found that place at the close of day.
If my parting has left a void, then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss.
Ah yes, these things, I too, will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow, I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I savored much,
good friends, good times, a loved one's touch
Perhaps my time seemed all to brief;
don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me-
God wanted me now, God set me free.

Benjiman's Site Map

Our Angel Caitlyn
We Remember You

Even though we know our child was one of Heaven's best
and was taken to her rest
One day we'll see our little angel once again
And there she'll be
In Heaven
Our little baby angel
Caitlyn

With Love and May God Always Hold You In His Heart
Ann, Laurasmom

To Chris and ANGEL Caitlyn

The sun won't shine any more
The stars won't shine in the night
The moon won't rise in the sky
Nothing will ever again seem right

To know you and feel you
Was to love and hold you
Just to see you smile
Made my life worth while

I will always remember your smile
With your 10 Tiny Toes and fingers
That baby scent you always had
Is a smell that will forever linger

Written By Sue-Anne Aguilera~~~Lee'sMom
MY LOVE TO YOU CHRIS